A Little Something Extra

I don’t normally like killing creatures, but it’s hard to resist killing a mosquito

In fact, I’m not sure I’ve ever done it—ever successfully resisted killing a mosquito

Once I killed a creature, a mosquito , that I did not want to kill

I let it suck my leg, when I found it there, and I thought, “you’ve already done your damage, little creature, so be done and go” but time passed and the little creature was not going, his little body shook wildly he could not let go

I realized my thigh muscle had clenched, unbeknownst to me

In fear of watching it burst, I slapped it, as I had done many times before, unremembered

The possibility torments me—could I have unclenched my muscle? Shouldn’t I be able to unclench my own muscle?

Should I have?

Could I have?

Did I refuse?

Did I refuse god?

Did I refuse me?